


make records, then set them

by yeswayappianway



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Not Hockey Players (Hockey RPF), YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 11:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17724041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeswayappianway/pseuds/yeswayappianway
Summary: “Today I’m coming to you from Banff. As you can see,” Kris picks up the camera and quickly pans it around the room. “I’m in a hotel. For those of you who are uncultured, Banff is in Alberta, Canada. It’s actually inside Banff National Park—”A voice speaks from off camera. “Tell them something interesting, god!”Kris leans half out of the frame, and reappears, half-pulling another man into the view of the camera. Kris mock glares at him. “Everyone, this is Derick."





	make records, then set them

**Author's Note:**

> i kept saying i hoped someone would write this pairing before brass got traded, and then... brass got traded. so i decided to write it myself. i made no attempt to make this a realistic vlogger au, or to do any research about brassard, or to have the french be correct although i have a flimsy excuse for that one at least (it's meant to be based on the Quebec license plates, not correct french grammar).
> 
> thank you to remi for encouraging me, and good suggestions. any typos are my fault.
> 
> title from Go Places, by the New Pornographers
> 
> gif at the beginning [from intermissionpenguins](http://intermissionpenguins.tumblr.com/post/171680203827/does-that-mean-that-derick-is-eating-at-yours) on tumblr

[The screen shows a title card (Je Me Voyage, in the same font as the license plates for the province of Quebec) for several seconds, which is followed by several jump cuts of the same man introducing himself (“Hi, I’m Kris, and Je Me Voyage.”) in a variety of locations. Finally, Kris introduces himself for the last time. The background is a nondescript wall with the lower half of an abstract painting visible to the left of his head.]

“Today I’m coming to you from Banff. I’m going to be here for a while, so instead of doing one big video, I thought I’d spread it out over some smaller videos. As you can see,” Kris picks up the camera and quickly pans it around the room. “I’m in a hotel. For those of you who are uncultured, Banff is in Alberta, Canada. It’s actually inside Banff National Park—”

A voice speaks from off camera. “Tell them something interesting, god!”

“Oh, you think you can do better?” Kris leans half out of the frame, and reappears, half-pulling another man into the view of the camera. They’re both laughing as the other man falls onto the couch next to him. “Say hi to the camera.”

The man looks directly at the camera and waves. “Hi, camera.”

Kris mock glares at him. “Everyone, this is Derick. He followed me here, I have no—“ Something happens off camera, possibly tickling, and Kris starts laughing. “Okay, okay, this is Derick, my boyfriend. Some of you have seen him in a few of my videos, but now he’s officially introduced, so to any of you that were—” he makes air quotes and a disdainful expression. “—defending me from—” he makes more air quotes, and now Derick is also grimacing. “—accusations of not being straight, I hope that you’ve all learned your lesson.”

“That’s a nice way to put it.” Derick seems surprised while Kris looks angry.

“I have sponsors, I have to be nice.” Kris turns back to the camera, smooths out his expression, opens his mouth to talk, and then turns back to Derick. “Actually, if you thought my information was boring, why don’t we talk about something else? Want to tell everyone how we met?”

“Admit it, you just don’t have anything to talk about.”

“Yep, you caught me.” Kris raises his hands in a ‘what can you do’ pose.

Derick grumbles. “I better get ad revenue from this video. At least a really nice dinner.”

“That can probably be arranged.”

“So, Kris and I met in New York City. I used to be based there for my job. I was out with some friends at an outdoor ice rink, it was around the holidays, but my friends were dating, and I was tired of third-wheeling constantly—sorry man, you know you’re great if you're watching but, ugh—so I was skating alone, and I saw this guy in the corner of the rink, and it looked like he was talking to himself. And I know, I know, New York, weird sh—“ He looks guiltily at Kris. “Uh, _stuff_ happens all the time, but I was curious, so I skated over.” Kris starts rolling his eyes as Derick turns toward him. “You know what this guy did? He yelled at me for ruining his take.”

“You knocked over my camera! Do you know how long it took me to get that set up?” Derick ignores Kris.

“The guy was hot though, and now that I knew he was filming a video, not just talking to himself, I said sorry, because I’m a good Canadian boy, unlike some people, and asked what he was filming. He told me he had a YouTube channel, and somehow made that seem cool, and we talked for a long time.”

“And then your friends dragged you away.”

“And then my friends dragged me away, and I figured, oh well, mysterious hot stranger, might make a good story eventually. But then, a few months later, I was in Tampa for work, on one of my sales trips, and I had just gone out to lunch with a client and was walking back to my hotel, and there he was again.” Derick makes an expression of exaggerated shock.

“You didn’t ruin my setup that time, so that was nice.”

“I didn’t ruin anything the first time around either! But, yes, I was nice and polite and waited until you were done filming to go talk to you.”

“And then?” Kris seems to be waiting for something.

“Then we talked a long time, why are you ‘and then’ing me?”

“You’re not going to tell them how you started that conversation?” Kris turns toward the camera conspiratorially. “He used a _line_.”

“Yes, okay, I may have said something about, I don’t know, destiny or some— crap like that.”

“ ‘I thought I’d never see you again, but here you are. Maybe it’s fate.’ ”

“I didn’t say that!” Derick is turning a little red.

Kris raises his eyebrows. “It was _terrible_ , Derick.”

“Yeah, well, you still went to dinner with me anyway, so what does that say about you?”

“That I’m only interested in you for your looks?”

Derick huffs. “You’re the one that wanted me on this video, Kris!”

“You’re doing great, babe.” Kris gives him a shit-eating grin.

“Is this revenge?”

“How could you possibly think that?”

“Okay, that’s a yes.” Derick remembers the camera is there, and addresses it again. “I asked him to get dinner with me, we talked, we exchanged numbers, and here we are.”

“Here we are,” Kris nods, looking at Derick instead of the camera. Then he turns back. “Some of you may know that I moved recently. Since I spend so much time traveling, it’s not as big of a deal as it could be, but my friend I was living with got a better job offer, and moved across the country. I moved in with Derick.” Kris smiles. “Why am I telling you this? Well, one, because I want all the homophobes to stop watching my channel. Two, I’m planning on dragging Derick into a lot more videos. Three, we decided to celebrate moving in together—“

“By going somewhere else entirely,” Derick interrupts. He’s smiling too. “I guess this is good practice for when I upstage you and start my own channel.”

Kris rolls his eyes. “Sure, babe, keep telling yourself that. Anyway, I think that’s all for this video. Look out for three more videos from Banff in the next week, everyone, and enjoy yourselves.”

[The screen changes to display two links to other videos from the same channel, and a link to subscribe. The video ends.]

\-----

[A selection of comments on the video:]

**a.91.duke:** this is an American Eagle ad

**lesser_kessel:** this is why you weren’t at work???? unfair

**fleur-de-lis29:** your friend sounds like the real hero for making you finally move in together

**Cam Atkinson13:** Exciting times…

**dperr_57:** yessir **87-s.cros:** have a good time

**Ryan Dz:** Actually smiling for once bro

**matszucchini:** _@swagelin_ look at our boy all grown up

> **swagelin:** #tourists

**71hockeybest:** )))))))))

**Author's Note:**

> picture at the end from derick brassard's real life instagram, from that time the penguins went to Banff and he and tanger posted matching instagram pictures with matching captions. because that actually happened. a few of the comments at the end are based on real comments left on that instagram post, so you get bonus points if you can guess which ones :p


End file.
